To All My Male Friends: Someone Has To Say It03:39 Mar 08 2008
Times Read: 790
Men: god knows that most women love you. Only about 10 % of us don't love you "that way", nevertheless, even a number of my club still likes you in a beer drinking sort of way, but there is one area of truth that most of your women will not share with you, and it concerns your balls.
Women are a different breed than you: while women will cut each other down ruthlessly, somehow it is understood that the male ego must be handled gently and therefore you are completely missing the point about the complete and utter lack of appeal that the nutsack holds.
Balls are like breasts for women, we get that. The competition that somehow defines your masculinity is indelibly entrenched in your balls. It is a measure of your masculinity, if you lose one it's an embarrassment, if they sag: you adjust when they need to look better. See? We get it.
Men, on the other hand, are enraptured and fascinated by thier balls. A whole subset of slang has developed to describe the various plights and situations of the testicle. Everywhere you go you see clever plays on words about testicles like the add for the nut cart that says, "let us put our hot nuts in your mouth," and hehehe wow, we all giggle, don't we? Men, you think its funny, but have you noticed the grudging chuckle coming from the grimacing face of your girfriend?
Men like testicles much more than women do.
That is not to say that women don't have certain thoughts on balls, we do:
1) It is completely inappropriate to target a man in the nuts unless the situation is dire, we respect that. (well most of us do, and for women that don't most of us would advocate a kick in the k*nt for her too) Fair is fair.
2) Women don't have balls so at first they can seem like shiny new toys. They feel different, they are floppy, they jiggle around, and women don't get to spend a great deal of time in thier life examing balls. (unless you are this girl I know named Heidi Harold, in which case you might as well open your own ball emporium, ho.) Anyway, the point is, women have initial interest in your balls because they look funny.
3) Women know that some men enjoy having their testicles manipulated during intimate times, but guess what? We don't have them, so you might need to offer some pointers. (unless of course you are with Heidi Harold, who in fact, probably taught you what you like...)
If you are a jerk about these things boys, don't forget. People eat balls. And hey, I mean people EAT balls and they like them. I'm not talking about a tasty little egg in a saucer: I'm talking rocky mountain oyster or a delicious gourmet soup; so be nice. 
Some may be wondering what inspired my testicular tantrum. The answer is simple. Women seem not to have shared one simple fact with the men of this planet:
Your nutsacks are ugly.
I didn't want to be the one to have to break it out so plainly, but when I was driving around town yesterday I saw my first set of "truck nuts" and I realized the situation has gotten out of hand. 
Keep them in your pants fellas. They are only barely tolerated as it is because women love the rest of you.
*This has been a public service announcement.*
COMMENTS
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Morrigon
03:49 Mar 08 2008
Well I will agree that testicles are not a shining point of pure beauty...
It's more disgusting to me that some men show a complete lack of respect towards their own balls and expose them, grope them, or talk about them excessively as if they are a joke. Yet I am supposed to take them seriously.
A missing ball does not make one less of a man, being an idiot does.
And I would never aim a kick at a man's tumbly treasure tools unless it were in pure self defense. It's not funny to inflict such pain on another person and I do actually respect their thigh boulders because, men deserve respect just as women do, unless they prove themselves unworthy of respect, just as some women do as well.
heh heh...ball sack...
CuRsEdToDaRkNeSs
04:23 Mar 08 2008
OMFG! Sevenn you are the absolute best! Its high time someone spoke up! I couldn't have imagined a better person for the job to be honest! You have such a wonderful way with words that make the blow well... seem a bit less harsh.... lol. I did get a mighty big chuckle from this tangent I must say. *snickers* testicular tangent.... that would have made a good title for this journal entry you know. lol. :D
Joli
04:30 Mar 08 2008
And I didn't get you anything :(
How about a push-up bra for those puppies...little nutsack cleavage, anyone?
Fizbop
11:19 Mar 08 2008
I really like this announcement. It's very well thought and really fasinating .
Joli
21:13 Mar 09 2008
Maybe Fizbop could be your Public Announcement "Balls Are Ugly" guy.
STABB666
21:13 Mar 09 2008
I've got big nutz.
Joli
21:15 Mar 09 2008
Why does that make me picture large carnivorous squirrels?
STABB666
21:23 Mar 09 2008
Because you're a man hater!
:P
Sevenn
00:31 Mar 10 2008
Stabb, I have no doubt you have huge testicles, bully for you! The issue is, that they are not cute. Perhaps you could draw little faces on them or something; decorate them like easter eggs! They should not be publically displayed, this is all I am saying. If women ever start flying windsock vaginas off of thier car antennae, you can bet I'll write an entry about that too.
Khayman
00:43 Mar 10 2008
Marry me, Sevenn. LOL
Irony
16:01 Mar 10 2008
Amen to that:D Now I am giggling my ass off, so thank you:)